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Answers with Kathleen

Episode

1

Yakira: Values are hard

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This and that is really really cool and I like it

kathleen seeley

Over the past 18 months, I've had a few procedures on my knee. Arthritis has set up camp, and after years of tolerating it, I decided to see if anything could be done about it. After each procedure, my doctor would say something to the effect of, 'it will take about 6 - 8 weeks to recover. The word recover felt sticky. I began to wonder what exactly it means to recover. Logically it's a simple instruction and makes sense. Be patient, go easy, and my knee will be returned to some previous state. However, I could not break free of my inquiry into what does recovery really means, and do I actually want it?

Words matter. I liken them as seeds planted in our psyche and take root, building the foundation for our thoughts and belief systems. Thoughts become things. When I'm feeling particularly reflective, I have a tendency to dig into what words mean to me.

Flash forward to COVID, massive loss of life, social distancing, self-quarantine, economy on hold, job loss, etc. History books may define this as the age of the pivot—massive disruption on every level that has caused many to pause and reflect on what is really important. Again, I keep hearing the word recover tossed around paired with the magical thinking of getting 'back to normal' one day.

I sat in an inquiry of what is it to recover? What is the destination of 'back to normal?' I realized when I connected this whole getting 'back to normal' magical thinking with the word recover, I realized neither was in my best interest!
To recovery, I say 'no thanks.' Why would I want to go back and re-cover the problem I was trying to eliminate?! Recover to me means to re-cover something so I can't see it anymore, to hide it. 'Successful' recovery for my knee would mean returning to how it was, which got me into the doctor's office in the first place.

  • The simplest way to define values for me is to say values or beliefs with a punch. You know, we believe a lot of things, but you know, you've bumped up against a value when something really triggers you, it kind of gets your goat or you feel fully aligned. And in tune with something, a value is either being done it's up against or fully expressed.
  • Hi, this is answers with Kathleen where you will leave with more questions than answers. Today comes from Jakira and your care at recently completed our personal values assessment, and she asks a couple of really great questions that I'm going to answer today. And the first one is what is the definition of values.
  • And the second one goes into our values sometimes out of sync with our daily actions, because executing on them. Isn't always easy. Okay. There's a lot going on here a lot here, uh, to go into the first thing I'm going to do is talk about values and give a definition. The simplest way to define values for me is to say values or beliefs with a punch.
  • You know, we believe a lot of things, but you know, you've bumped up against a value and something really triggers you. It kinda gets your goat or you feel fully aligned and in tune with something of value as either being bumped up against. Or fully expressed now our values underpin everything that we do to give a definition, a little more context values are the ideals that gives significance to our lives that we act on distantly and repeatedly.
  • This is important with you're curious questions, because she asks our values sometimes out of sync with our daily actions, because executing on them. Isn't always easy. So just flip that around. Um, because our, our behavior, rather than our values, our behavior is sometimes out of line with our values because sometimes it's difficult to execute on it.
  • You see the difference. Um, your initial question is suggesting that your behavior drives your values, but what's true is your values. Drive your behaviors. You can see what someone values or you can identify what you value by just looking at the choices you make. The behaviors. And, um, so again, yeah, our values drive our behavior.
  • And another tag onto that definition of values is that right. Values are experienced through our feelings and our imagination. So again, our values, we know we're expressing one. We get, when we get some energy, either positive energy or negative energy, whatever it is, but something, a charge out of it. And our imagination, our values can pull us forward.
  • They can, um, Um, pull us into our new possibilities. Our beliefs can hold us back. So that's kind of the rub there. And, um, now this is the next part of her question, which I think many people, uh, experienced this is, is, um, again is our, is our behavior sometimes out of alignment. For example, the, I have the value of family and I want to spend more time with my family.
  • But I often don't. So doesn't that feel like? Um, well, like she referred to it as cognitive dissonance. Like, I want this, but I'm doing this. So that space in between there's some dis uh, some dissatisfaction or there's a lack of alignment. Sometimes, um, our values can compete with each other. So if you do our personal values assessment, like Kira look back at your year, Kara, look back at your values assessment.
  • You'll see you chose 10 values. And, um, I'm just guessing, I don't know, but say for example, you chose the value of ambition and the value of family. Sometimes our values by their very essence compete with each other. So you can see if, if yeah, Kara has a family and she, I know for sure she has her own business.
  • Those two things can compete with each other. Right. We have to learn how to prioritize. What's important right now in the moment. And sometimes work wins. If you're building your business, sometimes it wins that moment over family. Does it mean you don't love your family? No, but here's a tool I suggest you use when you're faced with those competing values or commitments is suggesting to you to consider.
  • It's not against you. It's for me. So I know that I, uh, I have three, the kids and I worked all the time when my kids were here young and growing up, and I often felt guilty for that. Because I was building my career and building my business. And then I realized that those are two competing commitments or two competing values.
  • They both can be, they both can exist at the same time. It's just, sometimes my work required more focus on my family and I had to reconcile that in my head. So we often have competing values. Now, the last thing I want to talk about is, um, Sometimes we don't execute on them because it isn't always easy.
  • It isn't always easy and that's why our values, our values can pull us forward. They can be asked operational. We may not please be living them to a full 10 out of 10, but we can, if we fall short of our own expectation of living our value. We can then use our imagination to pull us into what is the next better action or a better step to get me closer to living into that goal or that value.
  • So essentially, um, definition of values, they're the ideals that gives significance to our lives and sometimes can our behavior be out of sync with our values? Yes. So it's important to get clarity of your values. And to understand which ones take priority right now. It doesn't mean all the other ones go away, but you're choosing what the focus is remembering it's for me, not against you.
  • And, um, Thinking about how, uh, taking in all those, if you did that personal values assessment taking in all those 10 values that you chose, how is it that you can work those into your behavior going forward to make sure you're living your values to their fullest expression. So I want to say thank you to you, Kara, for sending in your questions.
  • And you're welcome to do our free personal values assessment, any time and submit questions. If you have any, you can ask me anything. Actually it doesn't have to be just about the values assessment. And if you submit your question, maybe I will feature your questions on our next show. And if you have a question that you want to submit, it's that Kathleen seeley.com/questions.
  • And remember, you can ask me
Hello!
My name is Kathleen Seeley and I provide Tips, Tools, Programs, and Mentorship to help YOU develop your personal leadership skills so that you can take yourself to your dream Business, Job & Life.
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